Hidden Truths About Secrets and Lies

Hidden truths are gems of wisdom buried in each of our lives. Undiscovered, these gems stay hidden beneath the shrubbery of secrets, half-truths, and lies whose seeds we acquired in the trenches of life. Once we unearth the gem—the hidden truth—we hold the power to help ourselves and others in the same situation. But we can never find our gems if we don’t first talk about secrets and lies.

Disclaimer: I have worked as a grief counselor and licensed social worker for many years, and I’ve experienced an inordinate amount of loss, but I am not a therapist. Any advice in this blog post should not be construed as counseling. If you or a loved one find it difficult to navigate any aspect of life, please seek professional help.

Secrets vs. Lies

Have you ever been in a room where someone cups the ear of another person and whispers words you cannot hear? Have you ever took part in this deliberate secret-keeping measure? I find those moments equal parts intriguing and disconcerting. What is so important that it must be talked about at that moment? And is it about me?

Keeping a secret is the intentional act of withholding information. Good, bad, or indifferent, a secret is something we don’t want others to know. Secrets are often lies, but not always. The intention behind a secret can be many things—protection, surprise, anticipation, privacy, shame, distrust, fear. Secrets differ from lies because they don’t always involve deception.

Lies, on the other hand, are the willful act of deception.

We keep secrets and tell lies. Picture yourself holding a basketball. Now mentally pass it. You pass a lie and invite others to play. Now imagine you’re hugging the ball. You don’t want to pass it. A secret prefers to play alone. Secrets and lies are born together, cohorts in the art of deception, but they are different. Lies and secrets can, and often do, act independently from one another—a surprise birthday party, an award ceremony, a gender-reveal. Secrets are not always lies, but lies always include a secret—the truth.

How Lies and Secrets Differ

Lies and Secrets:

• keep information from others
• may involve deception and shame
• may cause harm
• can be long or short term
• potentially lower self esteem
• may be underlined with good intention

Differences Between Lies and Secrets:

• A lie hides its identity while a secret hides is presence
• A lie harbors shame while a secret feeds shame
• Secrets are not always deception, but a lie is
• A lie can be based in fact or opinion, i.e, “I like your shoes” (but not really)
• Secrets demand isolation. Lies involve others
• Lies are public as they allow for pretense
• Intention behind secrets may not be self-serving. Lies are typically self-serving

Unravel the secret. Discover the Truth

Lying is a symptom of a deeper problem

In my novel, Hidden Truths, Ellie Mae’s dad says her mom died when she stumbled over a cliff. Ellie doesn’t believe him because her mom doesn’t stumble, nor was her dad there. He also lies when mysterious tracks appear on their neighbor’s land. His lack of honesty makes her feel less than enough. As she prepares to go off to college, she contemplates never returning.

Ellie Mae’s dad believes he is doing the right thing, but lies destroy trust. And trust is the glue that holds relationships together.

7 Truths About Lies: The physiological, mental, and emotional effects of lying.

As Ellie Mae unravels secrets, the past blows wide open and causes a lot of hurt. But what is hidden cannot be fixed.

Wish I could say I didn’t know this firsthand. Being lied to is one of life’s greatest hurts. Betrayal leaves a person feeling devalued. If you are that person, don’t buy into the lie that you aren’t worthy. You are valuable. You are more than what the lie wants you to believe.

7 Truths About Lies: The physiological, mental, and emotional effects of lying.

Search For the Hidden Truth

Lying is an unfortunate part of our culture, but it doesn’t have to be a part of our individual lives. Exposing secrets and lies can hurt, but the burden lifted from our shoulders gives renewed strength to cope when we fall into the trenches of life. As we climb out and leave behind the tempting seeds of secrecy, we learn how to help ourselves and those struggling with the same issues.

What secret is holding you back today? Can you share it with someone? What will it mean to face the truth? If you have no one to talk with, I invite you to email with your burden. I read all emails. Give your fear voice and know you have what it takes to overcome. Above all, search for the hidden truth because that is where freedom lives.

7 Truths About Lies Free Download