The Parasite of Bitterness

Bitterness is a parasite that eats you from the inside out. It’s the nastiest, most grotesque intruder that wants to burrow deep inside your brain and feast on your emotional pain.

The botfly is a great analogy. Are you familiar with this critter? The nasty little bug is particularly fond of warm blooded hosts in which they can lay their eggs.

However, the parasite of bitterness is far more damaging. You can’t swat it. You can’t kill it. You can’t pull it’s larvae from your skin with tweezers. If it is living inside of you, then you can be certain that every day, it’s sucking joy, peace, and purpose from your life.

When we are subjected to emotional pain, bitterness can take root deep in our psyche, entwining tendrils around memories. Later in life, when these memories are triggered, they bring with them an emotional weight that has the power to trip us up and disrupt our happiness.

Ever get ambushed by bitterness when you thought you had emotions under control? I recently came across a picture from my childhood where I was dressed in homemade clothes—the kind of clothes that fed bullies back in the 80’s. So many memories flooded my mind, each with an emotional weight rooted in bitterness. Unchecked, the eggs of bitterness can quickly hatch into starving larvae that feast on present emotional pain.

Understanding the Parasite

I continually tell myself: “Understand (or control) your present feelings and you starve the bitterness. Allow the feelings to go unchecked and bitterness will flourish.” This is easier said than done, but I’ve had a lot of practice over the years. When I’m tempted to hold a grudge or feel bitter, I remind myself:

• Bitterness lives in me, not the person who wronged me.
• Bitterness is unproductive and does not solve problems.
• Bitterness hurts my favorite people.
• Bitterness is ugly.
• Bitterness blocks healing.
• Resolving bitterness doesn’t mean I condone another person’s wrong-doing.

I have learned over the years as a counselor and experiencer of hardship, loss, and unfairness that no one can eradicate the bitterness inside me but me. Only I can do it. I have a choice to do something about it, or not. No one can force me. Likewise, I cannot force anyone else to exterminate their bitterness.

Eradicating Bitterness

But how do we eradicate bitterness once we realize what that pesky, destructive emotion eating us up is? How can we find the joy, peace and purpose available to us?

I researched and studied overcoming bitterness as part of the Hidden Truths theme. After the main character drives a wedge between herself and those she cares about, she is forced to face the truth. Bitterness is her problem. The only way to repair what she broke is to:

1. Admit that bitterness is her problem.
2. Give up the hope that she can change the past.
3. Stop expecting others to do what she wants.

Loving others is accepting them without expectation that they please you.

Do you feel bitterness toward a family member, a coworker, a neighbor? Did someone wrong you? It may not seem fair that you’re left with the emotional baggage while they go on with life like nothing affects them. But bitterness only magnifies your hurt and gives the other person a control over you that they don’t even know exists. Why not try the strategies above and rid the pesky parasite of bitterness from your life?

Want to read more about overcoming bitterness?

The Practical Psych has a good article on recognizing and overcoming bitterness. Within the article are several links that lead to other articles that go deeper, tackling underlying elements of bitterness. You can access that article here. Disclaimer: Nothing within this article or website should constitute or take the place of counseling. I am a professional licensed social worker with over 30 years of experience, but I am not a therapist. Please seek professional help if you feel you need it.

If you’d like to read more about how Ellie Mae overcomes her bitter feelings to repair valuable relationships, click here to read the first three chapters of Hidden Truths. For a limited time, you can get an Advanced Reader copy here.  

Thank you for reading!

–Tammera