The Rug Analyst for the griever shows how we can successfully navigate emotional pain when the rug has been pulled out from under us.

Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?

First you react…a deep gasp, then every muscle in your body clamps. Your acuity for danger sharpens as your feet fly in the air. You brace for the impact. When you hit the floor, the air whooshes from your lungs.

You lie still as reality spins. “What just happened?”

From here, you have two choices.

Get up. Stay down.

A few of us may stay down and contemplate never rising.

Some of us will hop to our feet immediately, straighten our backs, and push forward.

Most of us will struggle to our feet. After the fog in our brain clears, we’ll stumble along until we get our footing.

In every scenario there is pain. Grief is the emotional pain associated with a loss or change of any kind. At some point, to emotionally heal, we must walk through that pain, experience it, and make sense of it.

We will likely never be the same, but sometimes change is good. Right?

The Hidden Gem

Embedded within the fall is a hidden gem.

If we can subjectively analyze what just happened, we have an opportunity for personal growth.

In his bestselling book, The Happiness Advantage (Crown Publishing Group 2010), Shawn Achor cites a study that shows how people who draw upon the following four factors often achieve profound positive growth. They use these tools to push forward as they navigate the path of adversity. This is called Adversarial Growth or Post Traumatic Growth.

Four Rug Analyzing Tools:

Positive Reinterpretation Of the Situation Or Event

No doubt, if you’re grieving, you are trudging through difficult times. But what are some potential benefits? Possibly growing in a way that makes you more seasoned and wise. Maybe you’ll acquire the skills needed to help someone later in life, or you’ll gain emotional tool that help you navigate future hardships. Maybe this ordeal will make you a better, more attentive family member. Thinking over these ideas can help in broadening or obtaining new perspective.

Optimism

Guard your heart and mind. Constant negativity is a dark tunnel with no end that only brings more physical and emotional pain. Nurturing a positive outlook can be exhausting but well worth the long-term benefits.

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8, NKJ.

Allow your mind to form the image of something lovely. It’s okay to be optimistic. Give yourself permission.

There are times when depression or life circumstances won’t allow us to think positively or be optimistic. If you find yourself in this situation, the additional support of counseling may be necessary.

Acceptance

I’m not a huge fan of this word. Acceptance carries the notion that we’re “okay” with what happened to us. We don’t have to ever be okay with the change or loss that occurred in our lives, but we do have to acknowledge it happened. Talking to someone, giving voice to the emotional pain, offers perspective and helps us take that next step forward.

Meet the issue head-on (rather than sweeping it under the rug)

The mind whirls when receiving personal tragic news. A death, an illness, job loss, divorce, rejection. The mind grapples, consumed by an unknown future. Standing on two feet is difficult. Confronting your loss/change, telling yourself the truth about a situation is courage of the greatest kind. Doing so will propel you forward in the right direction, and that brings healing.

If you’ve experienced a recent loss or significant change, I’m truly sorry for what you’re facing. But I am confident that as you apply these principles and regain your footing, you will grow in ways you never imagined.

Gratitude

The secret to staying on your feet is gratitude. What can you be grateful for today? When your legs wobble and taking one more step seems impossible, make yourself write down all that you’re grateful for.

Clinging to God (who makes order of the universe) with gratitude is right where we need to be when all else fails. Do this and I promise each step will become a little easier. You have so much to offer to another person who is maybe about to have the rug pulled out from under them.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never, ever have enough.” –Oprah Winfrey.

Thank you for reading! 

–Tammera

If you like this article then you may enjoy Dodging Tornados, an article demonstrating how dreams tell the truth of how we feel when our conscious self would rather wear a mask. Dreams are hidden gems that allow a glimpse into our psyche. If we pay attention, the dream can help us move beyond our fears and intimidations by exposing our unresolved needs. 

Want to Read More. Click on the image below to read these true-to-life stories about extraordinary people in remarkable situations.